What's a weirdo to do?

I do not "fit in". This is not a lament, just a statement of fact.  When I was younger I thought that I was missing something, that there was something wrong with me, but as I got older I realized my differences were actually my strengths.

I do not see the world the way most people around me do.

I am gobsmacked by how easily privileged, well educated folk can turn away from anyone in need, or in pain.

I find the ease with which we divide ourselves into " us and them " to be quite terrifying.

I don't want to live anywhere, where the abuse of children or animals is okay.

I don't understand how you forget.

I don't understand.

I see the world differently.

It took me so long to realize that that was okay and I had lost it for a while, but no more.

 My intention for this New Year is to piss people off, shake things up, challenge, wave my freak flag high, and get all up in your face with my differences.

"They thought I was a Surrealist but I wasn't.I never painted dreams. I painted my reality."~Frida Kahlo

photo by Rodney Smith

We need men who can dream of things that never were.~ JFK

In November 1963 my family was emigrating from England. We had left England's Lake District, where scraping together enough snow to make a tiny snowman perhaps half a meter high was a huge deal, only to  arrive in Weyburn Saskatchewan during one of the worst winters they had seen in years.

But this is about a journey.

 I am sure, although I do not remember, that being on a train and no longer seasick on a boat, was a great relief.  Sailing the wintery North Atlantic seems a questionable choice, but at that time my mother refused to get on a plane, so in November of 1963 we were traveling  from Quebec to Saskatchewan by train.

I am sure, although I do not remember, that my brother and I were happy to be on this new adventure, safe and warm watching the white, flat horizon rush by.

I am sure, although I do not remember, that my parents were upset, shocked, appalled

But I remember the black porters crying.  I will always remember that.

" For in the final analysis, our most basic common link, is that we all inhabit this small planet, we all breathe the same air, we all cherish our children's futures, and we are all mortal. " ~ John F Kennedy

I Won't Grow Up!

This morning I have seen two videos of old women.  One an 86 year old gymnast and the other an old lady doing a zumba class.  And while I love watching them I kind of have a problem with the way they are being presented. 

If a person is in good health, why shouldn't they continue to do things they have enjoyed doing all their lives?

The sense I get is that most  people are amazed that anyone in their 70's, 80's, 90's, can even get out of their chairs and should be roundly applauded every time they do so. They are being dragged out like a circus act. And read the comments;  " so cute ", " bless her".   I cannot speak for these ladies, but I  ain't cute !  Never aspired to be.

There are people in a yoga class I take who are older than me and stronger and more flexible and more focused.  Their practice is inspiring regardless of their age.   I have had a 20 something come up to me in the change rooms at the same yoga studio and tell me " Oh my god you are such an inspiration!"  I know it was meant as a compliment but it was hugely condescending. 

I think my very first blog on this site was about still being who I am regardless of how society sees me.  In other words those of us, particularly women, of a certain age, still have stories to tell, still want to dance and sing and create.  And it should be seen as a  natural progression, not an anomaly.

Today's last word goes to Helen Mirren ~ " Two phrases I hate in reference to female characters are 'strong' and 'feisty'.  They really annoy me.  It's the most condescending thing.  You say that about a three year old.  It infantilizes women."
Photo of Beatrice Wood

Two phrases I hate in reference to female characters are 'strong' and 'feisty.' They really annoy me. It's the most condescending thing. You say that about a three-year-old. It infantilises women.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/h/helen_mirren_4.html#cFTx77Phj4E3tIAq.99

Robin Thicke in the library with a wrecking ball.

And then this happened.  If you haven't heard and don't have time to read the article although I suggest you do, it is pretty breathtaking and not in a good way; Mr Gilmour, a teacher at UofT explains, well proclaims his views on: female writers ( they suck ), Chinese witers ( he doesn't like them either ), and shocking his students( his mission ).  He is arrogant, self serving and comes across as a misogynist.  Or maybe he just doesn't get women, double entendre complete intended.

But Susan, shouldn't Mr.G be allowed to teach what he wants?  Well sure, there are after all courses on women writers, ethnic writers, LGBT writers.  The difference is, you don't say you are teaching literature and then say the only literature that counts is written by men.  And not any men but REAL GUYS, MEN'S MEN!

And then this happened, well actually this is the comic relief part of my rant.  If you don't have time to watch it, but you should this woman is funny,  it is Grace Helbig AKA "dailygrace" reviewing Miley Cyrus' video for Wrecking Ball.

  So the lyric, " I came in like a wrecking ball," is kind of a cool lyric.  The metaphor works on a couple of levels.  But it's a metaphor so why, in the video do we have Miley Cyrus on a real wrecking ball and giving head to a sledge hammer???  Oh and yes she's naked, of course she is cos that makes all kinds of sense.  Read the lyrics they are about love, not sex! 

And although he didn't start all this, but I am sure he thinks he did, we have Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines.  The link I would have put up isn't available any more.  It was a great parody by some women I believe from Australia, who appear in the video beautifully and completely dressed, with some guys in tidy whities.  It was deemed unsuitable and taken off you tube.  It is worth noting you can still watch the unrated version of Blurred Lines with topless models and a very confused and embarrassed looking sheep?!?!

So why these three things?  Well first of all I am not a prude, I have a collection of erotica by Anias Nin and A N Roquelaure, don't tell David they are women, and I quite like steamy moments in movies.  Watch Diane Lane and Viggo Mortensen discover each other in A Walk On The Moon.......... shvey!

 Also I am against censorship, so Mr.Gilmour can espouse his views and money grabbing record labels and artists can make videos full of gratuitous sex and the objectification of women.  But more than being about money it feels like desperate pleas for attention, and hey look it worked.

 Can't we be smarter?  Can't we ALL be equally sexual, intelligent, daring?  Can't we make ourselves look good without making anyone else look bad?

Just for a moment, close your eyes and imagine Robin Thicke in flesh coloured boxers desperately  rubbing up against beautifully dressed women who are pretty much ignoring him,  all the while singing " You know you want it "  For good measure throw David Gilmour in there too.

Turning leaves, and fluffy cats.

I am not a fall person.  I know so many people including those near and dear to me who love fall. While I appreciate the beauty of the leaves turning colours and pristine blue skies like today, when the moon is still visible at 11:00 AM ( she must have been at a fiesta ), fall for me just means winter is on the way.

I do not like to hibernate, I get cabin fever.  And I HATE being cold it makes me very grumpy and not much fun to be around.  One of my brothers lives in Lake Placid, holy winter!  Everybody there embraces their environment, they ski, skate, snowshoe, pretty much anything to be out of doors and active.  More power to them.

Before children I used to ski every winter, my family even went on ski vacations, I was pretty good at it.  Now, well it is crazy expensive and at this point having been off the slopes for so long I am afraid I would leave a knee cap on the hill and that, well it just wouldn't be fun.

I am a heat seeking monster!  Heat and hair frizzing humidity?  Bring it!

Enough Susan, enough, it is fall. So as part of my on going effort to be thankful for every thing in my life and deal with exactly what is in front of me.  I decided to make this a creative day.  While I compose this post I am making this!  and later I will make these!  My kitchen smells heavenly and yes there is a theme, I love figs.  While I try to buy local and hate seeing strawberries in store in January !?!?  There is something seductive about a fruit grown in hot, wind swept, sun baked climes.  So I will savour my fig jam and close my eyes and imagine myself in some impossibly white village, surrounded by an endless cerulean horizon; hot, hot oh so hot. 

 Check back with me in January to see if it is still working............ha.

Today's last word~ Johnny Mercer "  The falling leaves drift by the window, the autumn leaves of red and gold. I see your lips, the summer kisses, the sun burned hands I used to hold. "

Kittens, Kittens, Everywhere

We have 2 cats, Minerva and Tut.  Tut is a foster failure.  Blame my husband, he couldn't stand to part with the big lug, and he is big, about 20 lbs worth of cat.  Since Tut we have fostered 11 cats and kittens so I guess keeping one along the way isn't too bad.

When we first got Tut he was very nocturnal.  He used to prowl around at 4:00 in the morning, yodeling at ghosts and the gremlins who steal your breath.  We chalked it up to the 4 years he spent as a stray on the mean streets of Hamilton.  The way we throw animals away like so much garbage, wrecks me.  Anyway, eventually Tut got his internal clock organized and fell into the rhythm of the house, which meant sleeping at night, until the arrival of...............da, da, daaaaa............ INTRUDERS!

Yes there are 2 cats who regularly show up in our yard in the wee hours of the morning threatening to break into our home through the screen windows and kill us all in our sleep.  What is a guard cat to do?  Well I'll tell you what he does.  He patrols the halls, stopping at all windows and howling his fury, ALL NIGHT LONG!

 Which means the poor guy isn't getting much sleep, which would be fine, he could catch up during the day except, we have 2 new foster kittens.  2 very active foster kittens, who are what kittens are supposed to be, little shit disturbers.  They want to play tag and no matter how much Tut and Minerva growl and smack them away, they keep coming back for more.  They run around and over and through and up curtains............sigh,in great burst of sustained energy until they finally collapse into a pile of black and white purring exhaustion, and then they get up and do it all over again.  A friend of mine aptly described them as magpies.  They are all about the next shiny thing, unfortunately that is far too often Tut's tail.

So poor Tut has got it coming at him from all directions.  He was always the cat I could count on to be great with the others we brought in here, Minerva is a bit of a princess, but Tut, although he looks all kinds of thugging, was always welcoming and sweet.  And I think he still would be if it wasn't for the afore mentioned cats invading his territory. Please people, keep your cats indoors.

Anyway Tut will survive.  He gets extra treats ( at 20 lbs not exactly what he needs) and strokes and chin scratches, and I have caught him on more that one occasion, with a kitten, albeit in a strangle hold, grooming and washing the little thing. Yes and sometimes biting their ears, while growling at them.  But a cat has to maintain his position hasn't he?

Today's last word is from Rudyard Kipling~"Cat said, 'I am not a friend, and I am not a Servant. I am the Cat who walks by himself, and I wish to come into your Cave."

F U B A R

Some days, life is just a cluster fuck.  It just is, and there ain't nothing you can do about it.  And who says everyday has to be perfect?  Come to think of it that would be pretty boring wouldn't it?

As much as I wish days that are complete epic failures didn't happen, they do, and they happen to all of us.  I would hazard to say if they don't happen to you every once in a while, you are doing something wrong.

  The only way to avoid disaster days, is to live in an hermetically sealed bubble.  Which might be pretty and sure is safe but it sure isn't living.  Living is being open to all possibilities; good and really sucky.  Living is being vulnerable and allowing those whom you love, to be vulnerable.  Living is making great big glorious mistakes.  Living is forgiving each other.  Living is sometimes messy.

Today was a shit of a day and I am humbly, extraordinarily grateful for it.

" You must take life the way it comes at you and make the best of it. " Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Put Off, Postpone, Delay.

So I am sitting here waiting for the weather to decide what it is doing.  It looks as if it might rain but then on the other hand it could just stay grey and moody all day.  Great for migraines! 

If it isn't going to rain I want to go for a walk. If it is going to rain, then not so much.  So in the meantime I am PROCRASTINATING.  Oh I am fooling myself into thinking that by writing this entry I am doing something creative, but really I am PROCRASTINATING.

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines procrastinate thusly : to put off intentionally the doing of something that should be done.  Hmmmmm so what if I put off the doing of something that should be done with something else that should be done?  Are you following me?

I could clean the kitchen!  Psht, like that's going to happen.
I could wash the floors!  See above.
I could work in the garden! See opening statement re weather.
I could go play with the foster kittens!  Now that I can get behind.  And they do need attention as I don't think their interaction with humans has been particularly positive.

I can procrastinate about things I really want and like doing.  What's up with that?  I should be working on the two new songs I am writing.  I should be reading plays in search of a new monologue. I should be writing one of the 3 scripts I am creating.

The thing is once I get started I will devote myself completely to the chosen task...........until the next shiny thing pops into my Gemini brain.

What the heck?  Am I lazy, undisciplined, too easily distracted? 

Hahaha I just found the most awesome sentence on the Merriam Webster site while I was searching synonyms for distracted:  < she's been distracted about her son ever since he left on the polar expedition>
You see?  I could easily spend an hour noodling around on a thesaurus site!  And don't let me near youtube.

Nope!  No more screwing around.  I will go for a walk.................maybe.  But I need to eat first.  Ooooo, I wonder what is this week's recipe on my favourite vegan cooking blogs?

Last word goes to David Morrissey ~ "Nothing is my guiltiest pleasure. I love it.  I love doing it. I love planning to do it, I love loafing and pottering and chilling and daydreaming."

Starting All Over Again

When I was sixteen and a very lucky child, I spent a summer in the sleepy village of Champery in Switzerland. I learned French, climbed a glacier and  fell in love and had my heart broken in the space of a month.  Ah youth!  I was also introduced to some amazing music, most notably, Laura Nyro  who literally changed my life.  I know I am given to the dramatic but really, singer/songwriters like James Taylor, Dylan, Joni and Ms Nyro made me feel that I wasn't alone.  That somebody else saw the world the way I did.  In those songs, the world made sense.

During that time in Switzerland I was handed a guitar and taught three chords.  And I wrote a song.  I didn't even think about it, I sat on the balcony watching the sun set on the Dents Du Midi and I wrote about how it made me feel.  I knew nothing about song writing.  I knew nothing about verse, chorus, bridge, hook.   I knew nothing and yet, when I performed the song for an open mic in the hotel where we were staying, somebody in the front row said; " wow she's really good."

The weird thing is, it was never recognition that drove me.  I was ( still am ) a very good dancer but realized after competing for a coveted spot at The National Ballet School, that my body wasn't aesthetically aligned for ballet.  I didn't care I switched to jazz and kept dancing  for the wild abandonment of it all. In the dance studio, the world made sense.

When I decided to become an actor, it wasn't stardom I was chasing.  I loved telling stories.  I loved the collaborative playfulness of rehearsal. I loved exploring the darkest part of the fireplace.  On stage, the world made sense.

 When I decided to pursue an artistic life, I am pretty sure I wasn't thinking; when I get older I will become a neurotic mess waiting for the phone to ring and measuring myself against others who have nothing to do with me or my life.  But that is where getting caught up in the race to the bottom  has landed me.

Sometimes it does us all good to get back to the WHY of whatever we are doing.  And in my humble opinion if the WHY isn't bringing you joy or helping to make the world make sense, then you need to take a breath and go back to the beginning. At least that's my plan.

" The only thing I fear more than change is no change. The business of being static makes me nuts " ~ Twyla Tharpe

LOOKING FOR A GOOD SUMMER READ?

Temptings dark and struggles deep.

The Empty Room by Lauren B Davis follows a day in the life of Colleen Kerrigan, a woman of a certain age who has made bad decisions and had some bad decisions thrust upon her. She is not at first blush a very sympathetic character, but it is to Davis’ credit that we as readers get swept up, into her story. Using her spare, haunting prose, Davis creates landscapes that we can feel and smell. Some scenes in The Empty Room are so visceral, almost claustrophobic, I felt as if I was eavesdropping on conversations I wasn’t meant to hear. Scenes, that if you stumbled across them in real life you would look away, walk away, embarrassed and a little scared. Moments of bad judgement that are cringe inducing because we recognize our own transgressions. Lauren B Davis doesn’t flinch, duck or hide and that is what makes this story so compelling.

Colleen Kerrigan is being forced to confront her life as an alcoholic. We see a little of her history explaining how she ended up in the corner she has painted herself into. Explaining, not excusing. While Colleen wallows in the idea that everything is happening to her not because of her, Davis holds her hero fully accountable for her choices. Colleen may see herself as a victim, Davis doesn’t. Colleen is presented to us truthfully, full of weakness and possibilities.

It seems strange to say I really enjoyed this book when the subject matter is so dark. But The Empty Room is a page turner; sad, sobering ( no pun intended ) and at times laugh out loud funny and full of beautifully drawn characters, nearly all of them flawed, because truthfully, aren’t we all?

Just so's ya know, Lauren B Davis is my dear, dear friend but that did not colour this review.  Those of you who know me, know I don't blow smoke !

Dragon Breath...................Dang

How do you deal with anger?  I compartmentalize and withdraw.  The problem is there is only so much you can stuff into a compartment before it oozes out and starts to smell.

  For the past couple of weeks I have been blessed to be immersed in creating important work with some of the most generous, talented, brave actors I have ever worked with.  But for the time being that project is done, and so now my anger is following me around like a disgruntled dragon looking for a place to land. 

Thank goodness for my yoga mat, books, music, tango, cats.  But even these lovely diversions are just that, diversions.  The people and things that make me angry are not going to change or slink off into the night.  In quiet moments my dragon is there snuffling in my ear and fanning the fire in my belly.

 I do not think anger has to necessarily be a bad thing.  I think it can be a catalyst for change, and since it seems my dear dragon is going to be around for a while I better name her and  harness her fire into something creative.  I think it is about time I did something that scares me too, maybe that will unblock this negativity.

Watch out world, I'm pissed and I gotta do something with it!

Today's last word is from Yoko Ono. "Experiencing sadness and anger can make you feel more creative, and by being creative, you can get beyond your pain or negativity."

Auditions? Hell yeah!

Not everyone loves auditioning, some really hate it.   But at times when the biz is achingly slow, I'm sure even those who hate auditioning would kill for the chance to remember how much they hate it.  And like it or not, auditioning is part of an actor's job.

I  kinda dig auditions, I have to say. I think auditions, as with most things in life, come down to your attitude.  I agree with Jack Plotnick when he says; your thoughts create your reality, and that is especially true when it comes to auditioning.  The casting director isn't there to judge you.  Wait, what?  Isn't that exactly what the casting folk do Susan?  Well I don't think so.  I think they are trying to find the right person for the part and that depends on so many things, and I hate to tell you, but your talent is low on that list.  I also suspect, having the casting person, the director, the producer and the writer(s)  agree on the perfect actor to be cast involves flying pigs and aligning cosmic bodies.  So really you, the actor, don't have the hardest job in the room.  You have the most fun job, you get to play! You get to do what you love and have somebody watch you.  After all what actor doesn't want an audience?

Tom Todoroff says your goal is to change the molecules in the room.  Cool, but always change them in a positive way.  Going in scared or needy or resentful that you are even being asked to audition, will put a big wet blanket over the room, and you'll be remembered alright, but probably not the way you want.

There are so many, so, so many actors in Toronto,  just the fact that you are " in the room " is a victory for you AND your hard working agent.  So be grateful, do the work, show up, and have a good time.  So they will want to see you again, and again, and again!!

Today's last word goes to the remarkable Judi Dench ~ "Seriously, though, I think I never ceased to be grateful of the fact that I am able to do a job that I really love - I never got over that."

 Picture credit, Tom Sierak.

Mother's Day......................sigh

Ah Mother's Day.  Why do I have such an issue with you?

Maybe because I am a Britt. My family doesn't celebrate Mother's Day, never has.  It seems to be a North American phenomenon.  Not that there aren't days set aside to honour mothers in other cultures, there are, but the big TO DO seems to be North American.

I was trying to research the origins of Mother's Day.  The consensus seems to fall on a woman named Ann Marie Reeves Jarvis , and Julia Ward Howe's  Mother's Day Proclamation for Peace.  Whatever both these women had envisioned, it is clear the modern Hallmark, flowers, chocolate, spa gift extravaganza, wasn't it.

 I was listening to a call in show on the radio today, subject; worst and best Mother's Day gifts.  Someone gave his wife, wife, not mother, a pair of diamond earrings!  What? What the hell did he give her for her birthday? And why is he giving his wife a gift?  Mother's Day, remember?  It is like parents giving their kids gifts for Valentine's Day.  Ugh Valentine's, don't get me started.  As the self professed least romantic woman in the world, you don't want to be standing near me in the card shop as I snort and groan, while I wade through the saccharin, facile, badly written poetry in most cards.  But I digress. 

You have probably figured out that my problem with Mother's Day, Father's Day and yes Valentine's is the crass, grasping, consumer driven greed of it all. For the record, mum, dad and husband get a card and even then it is because I am buckling to social pressure.

Now I am not trying to tell anyone how to spend their hard earned dough.  It is yours and it is no business of mine.  But maybe, just maybe in the spirit of community service that started the whole thing, consider donating to women close to home  in shelters who really need food more than you need a box of chocolates.  Or women around the world trying to start a business, take control of their lives and become the best mothers they can be.

Just a thought.

The house does not rest upon the ground, but upon a woman.~ Mexican proverb

Above The Fold

Everywhere I look I see the face of 8 year old Martin Richard, the little boy killed, along with 2 others in the bombings at the Boston Marathon.  He has become the face of the tragedy. I cannot imagine what his family is going through. It wrecks me and brings me to my knees.

However!

On the same day as the bombings in Boston, 27 people were killed and over 100 injured in multiple bombings in Iraq. You can bet there were many children killed in Syria on April 15. I know it is much easier to be emotionally invested in the face of one little boy and yes I'm going to say it, a little boy who looks like "us", than the breathtaking numbers of dead in international conflicts. 70,000 killed in Syria so far, and each and every one of them has somebody grieving for them. Hearts broken, holes in lives that will never be filled again.

If we could all muster as much outrage for the people suffering in all the dirty little wars around the world, whose faces are not all over social media.  If we could grieve for ALL of them as if they were part of US, because they are people, they just are.  If we could do that, maybe we could change things.  Because politicians ain't going to do it.  But when enough ordinary folks get together with one message, they have to listen.  Witness the Velvet Revolution, Arab Spring, Idle No More.  The message it seems to me is that violence and indiscriminate violent actions are unacceptable and should be condemned  EVERYWHERE,  and not just in the United States.  Yes the irony of that last statement is not lost on me, but you get my point.

So, remember Martin Richard and make him the poster child if you must.  But also remember the hundreds of thousands suffering daily, dodging bombs and gunfire daily, trying not to become a statistic, daily.

" Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." Martin Luther King

Anything you can do I can do better.

There used to be cooking shows.  Now there are competitions to be the next Iron Chef, the next best cupcake maker, doughnut maker, next best maker of anything you can think to eat and lots of things you would never in a million years want to eat.  There are competitions to see who can eat the most.  Really?  When did eating more food at one sitting than a reasonable person would eat in a week, become a good thing?  And more to the point, why does anyone want to watch it?

The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, at least both sexes have an equal opportunity to make idiots of themselves.  Yeah and same sex unions are threatening the sanctity of marriage!

ALL TALENT SHOWS. Thank you Simon Cowell, please stop.

 Toddlers in Tiaras.  Who thought of this?  How do you judged a group of  baby dolls with fake hair, fake teeth, fake tans, fake smiles, who all look exactly the same?!?

Back in the mists of time, when I was dancing, there was no such thing as competitive dance.   I did however  coach some competitive dancers, didn't last long, and I did for a while teach dance to elite competitive skaters.  It seems to me that in the rush to be the shiniest, sparkly-est, most scantily dressed dancer, something gets lost.  Musicality, soul, creativity!  If you are concerned about your every move being judged, how do you develop the freedom to take chances, to risk, to try?  There is more to dance than the perfect arch or the best extension. I want to see an artist let the moment move through her/him and share the magic when it happens.

I think in the end that is my biggest beef with the rush to the bottom of the competition game.  It turns everyone into interchangeable, generic automatons.  I want to cheer for quirky, fierce, individual folks too busy doing their own thing to worry about competing against anyone.

Todays last word:
A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.~ Ayn Rand

No! Maybe. Can I think about it and get back to you?

So this morning I said no to something.  I turned down a request.  No big deal.  I was asked to do something and I politely declined.  And then agonized over my decision for the next HOUR!

I wasn't questioning my decision to say no; oh no, I knew I should say no.  I believe my actual response was, " oh god no!"  My gut had my back.

So why did I spend the next hour, waiting for all the bad karma to rain down on my head, poised over the phone, talking myself down from calling back and saying Yes, I am so sorry, what was I thinking, of course yes!  Okay so I am being a tad dramatic here but you know what I mean.  Or do you?

Am I alone in my unbalanced inability to say no?  Is it a girl thing?

Of course I can say no to the things most sane people say no to : playing in traffic, grilled cheese vodka, letting vampires in your house.  But ask me to go out of my way, change my schedule, accommodate you and your friends.  I'm your girl.

 Don't get me wrong I like being able to say yes, to help out when I can.  I think we should all help each other whenever possible and do it because it is the right thing to do, not for brownie points.  And I do say yes............... a lot.  So given that, why, why, why is it so hard to say no?

Today's last word goes to George Carlin ~ " Just cause you got the monkey off your back, doesn't mean the circus has left town."

A Wish For International Women's Day

I wish there wasn't an International Women's Day, or a Child's day or Pride Week.

I wish the world had evolved to the place where we are all just human beings. Sexual beings, not gay, straight, bi, etc.  Spiritual beings, not Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Baha'i, etc. Respected beings, not master and slaves. Free beings not war lords and child soldiers.

I do not mean we should all be one homogenous lump.  Far from it I celebrate our diversity.  I am thrilled and inspired by it.  We should have our own beliefs and customs and rituals.  But mine aren't better than yours just because they're mine.

Maybe that's why I have never been much of a joiner.  Group mentality can all too easily become mob mentality.  Too easily become us against them.  Remember how George W Bush used that argument to rush  America into a war based on lies? I shouldn't just pick on poor George, all wars are started that way.

So today while you are standing in line for your half caff, extra hot, no foam, sprinkled with fairie dust, latte; think about all the women around the world,  many of them closer to home than you know, think of them just struggling to keep their families alive.

Yup I wish there wasn't an International Women's day.
Mexican proverb ~ The house does not rest upon the ground, but upon a woman.

The Smallest Things Take Up The Most Room In Your Heart

My sis in law has informed me that there is a potential adoptive family for Blossom!  Yay, how lovely!  I am keeping fingers and toes crossed.  Not that it will take much luck, she is such an adorable tripod kitty.

  Once Blossom has gone there will no doubt be another kitten, dog, rat, hamster, guinea pig, bunny,  that needs shelter from the storm that we humans so carelessly create.  I wonder if it will ever change?

  I do not understand cruelty to animals.  I cannot wrap my head around it.  Animal abuse and child abuse make me crazy.  Oh there are lots of adults and worldly issues that get me going too, but cruelty to animals and children makes me incandescent with rage. Mostly I suspect because I feel so helpless to stop it and trust me, I have rushed in foolishly on more than one occasion.

 Thank goodness for all the people who work tirelessly and with such open hearts for animals and children.  I do not know how they do it but I am forever grateful that they do and unspeakably sad that they have to.

" All his life he tried to be a good person.  Many times, however, he failed.  For after all he was only human.  He wasn't a dog."  ~ Charles M. Schulz

Try, try, try!

Do you hear that sound?  Pounding footsteps and muffled screams!  That is the sound of folks bolting back to their comfort zones.  Lately I have been practically trampled under the stampede of people retreating  from what they thought was a good idea.  You know those wonderful little day dreams that are really pent up desires and frustrations.  I have always wanted to.................sing, act, dance, write, and for those of us already doing those things; stand closer to the edge, take bigger risks, be even more vulnerable.

I completely understand the manic terror that starts in your stomach and climbs up into your throat at the looming prospect of making a fool of yourself.   I too have heard that  nasty, loud, damn it's loud, voice in my head that tells me I will fail.  But here's the thing.  So what if you fail?  So what if you make a fool of yourself?  What is the worst that could happen?  The world will not come to a shuddering halt.  A Greek chorus will not pop up to tell the world how much you suck.  The attempt police will not stop you from trying again.

Instead of worrying about the worst that could happen why not imagine the best that could happen.  Yeah dangle that carrot in front of your motivation for a bit.

Nobody is great at anything the first time they try.  Not even Baryshnikov ( omg Baryshnikov! ) soared the first time he tried.

I know being vulnerable is uncomfortable.  I know that voice in your head is persuasive.  But a good way to shut it up or give it a new message is to TRY!  Don't deny yourself the pleasure of accomplishment.  Let your stomach flip over while you are on that high wire.  Enjoy the experience.  It's a journey people and sometimes it is a trip!

Here is today's last word:
There’s something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk. – Drew Barrymore

Blossom

I cannot imagine my life without animals in it.

Some people, lots of people don't have pets and that's fine, each to their own, and for sure their houses are cleaner than mine.  No scratches on the hardwood, nose prints on the windows,  hair and dust balls the size of dinosaurs.  I swear I could make a new cat from the fur I sweep up weekly.

We have two cats, a dog and my son's leopard gecko.  With the addition of Blossom, a little foster kitten from the rescue organization I sometimes help, we currently have 3 cats.

 Blossom had a deformed front leg that unfortunately couldn't be fixed and had to be amputated.  When I brought her home from the vet she spent about a minute walking backwards, I think in an attempt to walk out of the cone on her head, and then gave up and went looking for her favourite toy mouse.  I hovered over her that morning, holding my breath when she went up the stairs or jumped into a chair, begging her to slow down.  But she didn't miss a beat or a step.  She was tearing around here just as she had done before the operation.  Tut, our 18 lb, looks all kinds of thugging, male cat can often be found curled up beside her giving her face and ears a good wash.  Even Minerva, the princess feline, who in the past growled at Blossom and gave her the occasional smack for good measure has nothing but kitten kisses for her now.  Animals know.

This little kitten has a 6 inch scar from her jaw down her side. She is on 3 different kinds of meds that I shove down her throat 5 times a day.  And let's not forget the aforementioned cone. And still, still, she sits in my lap and purrs as if I embody bliss.

Today last word is from Jules Verne.~ " I believe cats to be spirits come to earth. A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through."

R E S P E C T

I just heard Paul Martin speaking on CBC radio about the current state of affairs between First Nations and the Government of Canada.  The question of accountability of government funding was raised.  Not withstanding the idea that Native reserves actually subsidize the rest of Canada  http://www.mediacoop.ca/blog/dru/15493.  This was what the former Prime Minister had to say.

 " Toronto is funded by three levels of government, Federal, Provincial and Municipal.  Toronto gets roughly twenty four thousand dollars per person ( I am assuming he means per year)  Attawapiskat is funded by one level of government and they get eleven thousand per person.  In a place where buying a loaf of bread costs four to five times more than it does here.  Nobody would deny that there are problems on reserves and ALL the chiefs have asked for assistance to be accountable, education to set up a financial system, a Native Auditor General and the government(s) said no.  Furthermore the government doesn't have a decent system to keep track of the funds themselves. For the government to blame this all on the First Nations is just not fair."
This is not from a transcript and I am sure I have paraphrased Mr. Martin.  My apologies.

  It seems to me the current movement  is about being heard, seen and respected.  Don't we all want that?  While we can't place the all blame for this situation squarely on the Harper government, they sure aren't helping.  They don't seem to want to listen to any of us. They jammed through Bill C45 and left most of us choking on their dust. http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/ken-georgetti/theresa-spence-hunger-strike_b_2447982.html  

This has been hundreds of years in the making.  Canada is a country founded by three Nations.  Three Nations!  The people of all these Nations deserve respect.

Today's last word is from Desmond Tutu ~" I am not interested in picking up crumbs of compassion thrown from the table of someone who considers himself my master. I want the full menu of rights."

Painting by Riley Charters

Today's last word is from Desmond Tutu ~" I am not interested in picking up crumbs of compassion thrown from the table of someone who considers himself my master. I want the full menu of rights."

It's simple really

So here's my creative life story.
  I trained to be an actor, I didn't act but moved more towards music instead, then I did nothing creatively, then I came back to acting.  Sounds simple right?  Of course it wasn't, there was all kinds of angst and navel gazing and pity parties along the way,  and some triumphs, some really glorious triumphs.

When I was trying to get back to acting and bemoaning the fact that I didn't know how to start, or what to do, and why wasn't the universe giving me signs or something, geez; a really wonderful friend of mine said, " you want to act, just act ".  Holy..........what? Can you imagine how pissed I was?  It wasn't that simple!  What did he mean; just act.  There were people to know and secret hand shakes to learn and anyway I wasn't thin enough yet or pretty enough yet, my stars hadn't aligned.

Thing is, it turns out, it really is that simple.

 I don't care what your creative pursuit is, writing, painting dancing, acting , hell parenting!  We learn how to do, by doing.  We build the bridge as we are crossing it.  There is no perfect class that will make us a successful whatever it is we want to be.  There is no super agent who can catapult you into stardom the minute you sign with them.  No one gets a call from Mr Spielberg looking for a, crazy talented, unknown to star in his next film.  Well to be fair I think the last point has happened for a tiny, teeny, tiny minority of very lucky actors.  And there is that word LUCK.  Yes luck, that capricious  little bugger, seems to visit some more than others, but all the luck in the world won't help if you aren't doing, being  practicing,  getting better at what you are.

So write, paint, make music, take photographs, dance, act, make a really awesome totally nude performance piece. Circumstances will never be perfect and it really is as simple as starting.

 The last word today goes to Tom Stoppard ~" I never had any frustration about writing uncredited.  I always felt that the satisfaction of doing it was in the doing of it, really, and getting recognized by the small number of people that know what you did."

Whooooo are you?

There's a great line From The Big Kahuna ( a most excellent movie ) that Danny Devito's character says: " A man hasn't any idea what his soul looks like until he gazes into the eyes of the woman that he's married to."

I think we all have an internal us and sometimes it doesn't jibe with what the outside world sees.  I'm not sure there is anything we can do about it.  Maybe it is a flight or fight thing.  Some of us like to crawl into our shells and stay hidden, others come out swinging all the time.  Most of us I think try to strike a balance.  But every so often we will look into the eyes of someone who loves us and see what they see.  It can be humbling and it can be uplifting.

I was having a very grumbly morning.  Oh come on,we've all been there:
  It sucks to be me.  If only things would..........If only I could...............Why, why, why?  Blah, blah, blah.

 For some reason I remembered something one of my dear friends had said, it wasn't anything profound it was just a lovely warm greeting that made me feel special, singular, seen.
This memory didn't magically erase my problems.  There are some things in my life at the moment I think I have a right to be pissed about damnit!  HOWEVER, mixed in with the crap, I am hugely thankful for my friends and family who see me, the good the bad and the quirky and love me for it all anyway. And with that simple act, make it safe for me to be out of my shell.


 Just so you don't think I've gone all warm and fuzzy on ya, the last word goes to Oscar Wilde ~ " True friends stab you in the front."