Starting All Over Again

When I was sixteen and a very lucky child, I spent a summer in the sleepy village of Champery in Switzerland. I learned French, climbed a glacier and  fell in love and had my heart broken in the space of a month.  Ah youth!  I was also introduced to some amazing music, most notably, Laura Nyro  who literally changed my life.  I know I am given to the dramatic but really, singer/songwriters like James Taylor, Dylan, Joni and Ms Nyro made me feel that I wasn't alone.  That somebody else saw the world the way I did.  In those songs, the world made sense.

During that time in Switzerland I was handed a guitar and taught three chords.  And I wrote a song.  I didn't even think about it, I sat on the balcony watching the sun set on the Dents Du Midi and I wrote about how it made me feel.  I knew nothing about song writing.  I knew nothing about verse, chorus, bridge, hook.   I knew nothing and yet, when I performed the song for an open mic in the hotel where we were staying, somebody in the front row said; " wow she's really good."

The weird thing is, it was never recognition that drove me.  I was ( still am ) a very good dancer but realized after competing for a coveted spot at The National Ballet School, that my body wasn't aesthetically aligned for ballet.  I didn't care I switched to jazz and kept dancing  for the wild abandonment of it all. In the dance studio, the world made sense.

When I decided to become an actor, it wasn't stardom I was chasing.  I loved telling stories.  I loved the collaborative playfulness of rehearsal. I loved exploring the darkest part of the fireplace.  On stage, the world made sense.

 When I decided to pursue an artistic life, I am pretty sure I wasn't thinking; when I get older I will become a neurotic mess waiting for the phone to ring and measuring myself against others who have nothing to do with me or my life.  But that is where getting caught up in the race to the bottom  has landed me.

Sometimes it does us all good to get back to the WHY of whatever we are doing.  And in my humble opinion if the WHY isn't bringing you joy or helping to make the world make sense, then you need to take a breath and go back to the beginning. At least that's my plan.

" The only thing I fear more than change is no change. The business of being static makes me nuts " ~ Twyla Tharpe